


Siege

by Empress_S



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-10
Updated: 2009-07-10
Packaged: 2018-01-03 06:44:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1067316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Empress_S/pseuds/Empress_S
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean's thoughts toward the end of season 4</p>
            </blockquote>





	Siege

Dean turned off the radio, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He could hear Sam snoring softly in the back seat; finally resting. He wouldn’t sleep; just rest his eyes for a few hours before they hit the road again. It wasn’t safe to stay in one place for any amount of time, not with the hunters, angels and Lucifer’s own chasing after them. And for what? Sam? One mean bastard in Illinois had called him the Anti Christ; Lucifer’s vessel and heir and all that other bullshit that was flying around these days. Him? The supposed chosen one, the one meant to stop all of this, the Apocalypse, the Devil and bring world peace and fucking rainbows and sparkles to everyone and their Aunt Alice? Him, the one that started all of this and the one that was too damn tired and weak to say no to Alistair.  
  
“Hey, Cas.” Dean whispered, familiar now with the presence of the angel after he joined them on the run. Dean looked over to Castiel sitting in the passenger seat and could see that he was just as affected by all of this as the brothers. It wasn’t obvious at first, just the little things like the tightness around the eyes and a weariness that accompanied every battle report and casualty list.   
  
“Hello, Dean, you should rest too, I will watch over you.” offered Castiel.  
  
Dean smiled; a small one but still genuine. “I would love to take you up on that offer, but like they say there’s no rest for the wicked.”   
  
“You are not wicked Dean, you’re a good man.” Castiel still hadn’t moved from his position in the passenger seat. He stared out towards the field they were parked by, maybe searching for revelation, maybe for God himself or maybe he was just curious about the bugs and insects he could hear.  
  
Normally Dean would reply with a joke or change the subject completely, even now after all this time he found it difficult to stand eye to eye with the faith and hope that Castiel - and even Sammy these days - placed in him. Tonight, he found that he didn’t have the energy to argue that he was not the man they thought him to be, in fact he was the reason they could all die tomorrow. Dean felt Castiel’s’ eyes on him, the silence drawing the angels’ attention more than anything else.  
  
“You are troubled.”  
  
“Tell me something I don’t know, Cas, it’s just I’ve been thinking...” Dean paused unsure if this was the time and place, unsure if he really wanted the answer to what was troubling him.   
  
He cleared his throat and decided to go for it, after all he had nothing else to lose.  
“I’ve been thinking about what you said, back in the hospital, after Alistair.” Dean looked towards Castiel, to see if there would be a reaction, the angel just nodded gently for Dean to continue.  
  
“You said that you laid siege to Hell, to get me back, to stop...” Dean paused, he still had trouble admitting what he had done and he knew for damn sure that Castiel didn’t need to be reminded.  
  
“Did you...did Heaven choose not to ...did they leave me there, till I broke?” There he’d said it, he’d asked. Ever since that friggin’ green room with the cheap and tacky decor and burgers and good ol’ Zach spewing his oh so genius plan to restore paradise on Earth, Dean had wondered. Did they let him suffer, and let all those others suffer at his hands, so that they could bring about paradise? Could they have saved him earlier? Could they have stopped this whole damn mess before it had even started?  
  
Castiel’s gaze had returned to the field; his hands clenched into fists in his lap, his breathing laboured, even though Dean knew that Castiel didn’t need to breathe.   
  
Waiting for Castiel to answer, Dean unclenched his own jaw. The silence weighing down more and more on him as it continued. Heaven had known that he would break, they had waited. The sick fucks had waited for him to give in, to become the thing that he hated more than anything, the monsters that he’d spent a lifetime hunting and destroying.   
  
“Dean,” Castiel’s unwavering gaze turned and pinned him to his seat. “The moment I was made aware of Lilith’s plans, I did not stop my assault on Hell until I had found you and raised you.”  
  
Dean let out a breath, his whole body deflating at those words. Heaven had abandoned him but Castiel had come for him.  
  
Not that it was a worth a damn at the end of the day; he had come down from the rack, picked up the blade and cut into that poor bitch. Sealing his and six billion others fate. 


End file.
